it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There r osticjed everywhere
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just puked most of my soul out..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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