We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
