I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
