Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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