Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
