so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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