You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
