; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
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I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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