In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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