I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
