I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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