I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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