dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
