I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
