if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.