remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize