I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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