HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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