She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
