I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
