Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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