i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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