I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
