I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
