I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
