so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
