false alarm. still invincible.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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