if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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