i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
