Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
