I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
