my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
