gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
