is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
