the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
