..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
