i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
