I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
