I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
