Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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