If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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