Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
