I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
