last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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