a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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