I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
