i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
