Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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