Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drake has all the answers
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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