I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
