Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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