I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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