i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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