Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
