oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
