another moral hangover. fuck.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
3 2 1 whiskey
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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