so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
