Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
