So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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