I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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