just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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