Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
