i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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