I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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