they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
