I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
