I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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