Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Randomize
